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***No celebrities were harmed by The Phoenix Gate staff during the making of this tabloid. Only one was dead by printing time, due to "natural" causes prior to the interview. @~_^@***

RANDI RADIO: Hihi mummy fans!!!!!!! Welcome to a special edition of CELEBRITIES SING FOR MUMMIES ALIVE!!!!!!! You've been impressed by all the musicians who were willing to change all their plans and do a whole bunch of outrageous stuff that might put their careers on the line just to save the mummies, but this month, we're gonna talk to three musicians that have vanished off the face of the music scene and came back just to participate in the concert!!!!!! First off, here's the former Ginger Spice Girl, Geri Halliwell!!!!!!!!

RANDI: *holds up Geri's new CD* So Geri, before we get into the Mummies Alive stuff, what's all this about???? Mel C. aka Sporty Spice aka Bryan Adams' honorary dudess reported that you would never storm up the pop charts again and you were thinking about doing television instead!!!!!

GERI: Melanie was right. And she still is. I still plan on doing television work...to be specific, I plan on taking over production of Mummies Alive!

RANDI: YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! So even if this concert is a complete bomb, Mummies Alive will still continue??????

GERI: Well, I'd like to say yes, but all the money would have to come out of my own pockets. I made millions from my time in the Spice Girls, and I would gladly sacrifice everything I own for Mummies Alive, but I want to bring fans more than what they expect for a second season. So I need extra money. That's why I made the solo album. I never wanted to take advantage of my big name, but if it helps the mummies, I would do anything. It wasn't untill after I'd recorded the album that I found out about Sarah MacLachlan's benefit concert. But now I have an even bigger advantage because I can participate in the concert as a solo artist with songs of my own, showing the world that I am my own Mummies Alive fan and not just one more out of five.

RANDI: I have a pretty good guess of who your favorite character is, but I'll ask anyway. Who's your favorite character?????

GERI: You guessed right. Nefer-tina is my favorite. She's the favorite of all the Spice Girls. It's about time there was a female character in a cartoon whoose role isn't for the male characters to rescue her every episode.

GERI: The very first episode of the new season will be a confrontation between Nefer-tina and Chontra. Nefer-tina wins of course, but I have to admit that I admire Chontra a lot. ***Randi is at this moment squeezing a stress ball that looks like Chontra*** She showed a lot of girl power when she showed Rath who was truly in control of her. She didn't let that bloke push her around! ***The stress ball has melted in Randi's hand*** I gave up idolizing Chontra when I left the Spice Girls, but as you can see, they still like to wear Chontra's clothes.

RANDI: Speaking of the Spice Girls, what's going to happen at the concert when you see them again?????

GERI: Why would anything happen? I'm not angry with the Spice Girls and they're not angry with me. The media blows too many things out of proportion. The reason we haven't talked much is because we're all busy people and we're moving in different directions-the Spice Girls are singers who just happen to be Mummies Alive fans, but I'm a Mummies Alive fan who is singing for the mummies.

RANDI: Wow!!!! Too bad Geri's interview was first cuz there was no way anyone could have topped that closing statement!!!!!!!! Or maybe my other two interviewees can! It's time now to talk with another lost but not quite forgotten member of another supergroup!!!!!! Okay, maybe the first tour that KISS did with him was their least successful, and maybe it was all cuz of him that they took off the makeup and became krappy Bon Jovi klones, and maybe he did get fired from KISS twice-

RANDI: *ignoring him* -and maybe he's damned by every KISS fan, and maybe he's made fun of on the packaging of the KISS 24-inch Destroyer figures, and maybe he got kicked out of his own band after KISS, and maybe his ex-wife mysteriously disappeared from her home, but Mummies Alive fans don't give a damn cuz he's participating in the Save the Mummies concert and he's returned from obsecurity just for that and besides, no matter what anyone says, he RULZ!!!!!! Here's KISS' former Egyptian Warrior and former frontman of the Vinnie Vincent Invasion...Vinnie Vincent!!!!!!!!

RANDI: Ooops! Sorry! *nods head to the side and camera moves to show both her and Vinnie* First things first...Is it true????? Is Ace Frehley out of KISS and being replaced with you (again)????

RANDI: What about the part about Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley showing up at your door on their hands and knees in tears begging you to come back, twelve times in one day????

VINNIE: That's not true either. They showed up on my doorstep in tears begging me to come back thirteen times in one day.

VINNIE: Hell, no! They'd twist things around making it look like I was pretending to be a Mummies Alive fan just for the money (never mind that no one's getting paid for this concert) and they'd fire me as soon as the concert's over, and everyone would still believe that Paul was the one who created the Egyptian Warrior character!

VINNIE: I read your interiview with him! ***Read Paul Stanley's Thoughts On Mummies Alive*** He practically admitted it right there! He doesn't have any interest in ancient Egypt! How could he have thought up that brilliant character? I invented my own character, I'm a total Egyptian fanatic! That's why I'm such a huge Mummies Alive fanatic! But since I was just hired as an employee of KISS, Gene and Paul made up a bunch of bullcrap about me, including that one that they fired me cuz I have a big ego! If I'd rejoined they would have used that same excuse when they would have kicked me out, even though it would be just because they can't accept the fact that I'm a much bigger Mummies Alive fan than they will ever be! Never mind that that's the reason they begged me back in the first place-and boy, did that make Ace mad!

RANDI: *stops playing Cat's Cradle and leans in close* It made Ace mad????? Keep going...

VINNIE: To say that he was mad is a bit of an understatement. To say that he was so furious he went on a radio station to tell the world that he was quitting KISS after their next tour-

RANDI: *interrupts* Waitaminuite!!!!!!! That's what all this Farewell Tour stuff is all about?????

RANDI: Whew!!!!! And here I thought Ace was leaving for a really stupid reason!!!!!!! *shouts to someone off camera* Send that to the People Weekly!!!!! *turns back to Vinnie* But enough about your former band!!!!! Let's talk about you!!!!!!!!

RANDI: Yes!!!!! Is it true that you're reforming the Vinnie Vincent Invasion, but renaming them the Mummies Alive Invasion?????

VINNIE: Those @$$holes?! You wish! No, it's not true. It's also not true that they kicked me out! I kicked them out cuz they refused to watch Mummies Alive!

RANDI: Okay...so who are you performing with for the Save the Mummies concert?????

VINNIE: I've finally decided what to do to gain the recognition that I deserve and couldn't have in KISS and the Vinnie Vincent Invasion. I'm now a solo artist.

VINNIE: *grins* I'm getting it already! Contrary to what KISS tell you, I own the rights to the Egyptian Warrior character, so that's my act and my new identity! Don't call me Vinnie Vincent anymore. That's just the name I had to have cuz Gene didn't like my real name.

RANDI: Yikes!!!! This interview's gone overtime and all we've been doing is clearing up false rumors!!!!!! One last question...who is your favorite Mummies Alive character?????

EGYPTIAN WARRIOR: Me. I talked to Geri Halliwell aka The Artist Formerly Known As Ginger Spice aka the new producer of Mummies Alive and she's going to make me an official character in the show.

RANDI: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RANDI: SO WHAT???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T I ACT LIKE A CRAZED FANATIC ON CAMERA FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *to Jimi Hendrix* YOU ARE THE GREATEST GUITAR GOD OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RANDI: Oh wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're a mummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're a LIVING mummy just like the ones in Mummies Alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're back from the dead!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is so cool!!!!!!!!!!!! You are GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are-

RANDI: *calms down* Hey...if you're alive (and I use the term loosely), how come you weren't at Woodstock '99???????

RANDI: That tall guy that Rick the Temp (or Bill?) liked????? That was you????? I thought that was just someone who looked like you!!!!!!!! Besides, you look different now that you're a mummy!!!!!

JIMI: That was my transformed state. I didn't tell anyone who I really was for two reasons. One, I didn't want to start another riot at Woodstock. Two, I don't want the National Guard after me! But I'm putting myself into public eye now because my reason for existance in a half-alive state, the television show Mummies Alive, is being taken away. I was starting to love the nineties, and besides, I love the show, and I don't want to die again when my life force can be saved.

RANDI: Wow, now here's someone who literally can't live without Mummies Alive!!!!!!! But can't you survive as long as you recharge in your sarcophagus?????

JIMI: You mean the guitar case I was buried in? Techinically yes I can survive, but the power isn't unlimited. It has to come from somewhere.

RANDI: How did you become a mummy????? Wasn't the ancient Egyptian culture gone by 1970?????

JIMI: Yes, but you know these fans. They can't accept that their favorite rock 'n' roll star is dead. So they decided to preserve my body as a mummy, hoping that one day I would live again.

RANDI: They're all gonna be very happy now!!!!!!!!! What are some of the perks to being a living mummy?????

JIMI: I can snort all the heroin I want without dying (again) of an overdose.

JIMI: ...but I don't need to use drugs now because I get natural highs when I recharge.

RANDI: That's better...hey, can you do your transformation for all the Mummies Alive fans??????

JIMI: WITH THE STRENGTH OF ROCK 'N' ROLL! *A bright light shoots out of his guitar and transforms him into what we all thought was a live Jimi Hendrix lookalike at Woodstock '99. Somewhere off in the distance, we hear the MuchMusic people shrieking uncontrollably*

JIMI: Probably at the end of my set. But I want to perform as a mummy for the most part, because I'm a real mummy alive!

JIMI: Yes, and he will perform at the Save the Mummies concert. He was very flattered that there were so many homages to him in Mummies Alive.

RANDI: ELVIS IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How about Freddie Mercury?????

RANDI: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tupac Shakur????

JIMI: Back and as miserable as ever. His only joy is Mummies Alive, so there'll be a Nirvana reunion at the concert. I'm warning you now though...it's not a pretty picture...

RANDI: And John Lennon????? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease say he was mummified too...

RANDI: WOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope the Save the Mummies concert lasts at least a week!!!!!!!!!!!! So who's your favorite charcter in Mummies Alive????

RANDI: Talk to Geri Halliwell!!!!!!! Maybe she'll put you in!!!!!! Okay, that was technically the last question, but I have one more. Can I try your guitar?