FYI: RANDI'S TOTALLY KOOKY MUMMIES ALIVE KOURT IS ANITI-PAPARAZZI!!!!!

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***No celebrities were harmed during the making of this tabloid. They may suffer emotional trauma if they read this tho'! @~_^@***

RANDI: Hihi everyone!!!! So sorry that it took so long for the second installement of this feature, but, you know, May 19 is rapidly approaching, I had to get in line for my tickets to the Star Wars: Episode I, The Phantom Menace!!!!! I've been standing here three months now, but there's good news!!!! I'm not the only one lined up here!!!!! I just noticed about a week ago that some of the acts for the Save the Mummies concert are waiting in line too!!!! So, I got Trynia to hold my place in line and here I am walking around the line ready to bring more interviews with the hottest bands in the world who are busting their Tuts to save the greatest show since...well...ever! *turns head toward the line* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S MARILYN MANSON!!!!!!!!!!! Hey, hey, Marilyn...Mr. Manson...or whatever you want me to call you...can I get an interview????

RANDI: *puppy dog eyes* Why not? I can name three songs off your latest album!!!! "The Dope Show", "Rock Is Dead", and "I Exist For Mummies Alive". See, I'm a fan!!!! Can I PLEEZ get an interview???

MARILYN: *suddenly whips off his sunglasses and looks Randi directly in the eye* Oh!!!! Well, in that case, go ahead!!!!

RANDI: *to camera* See, see!!!! Mummies Alive really is the greatest thing since the discovery of fire!!!! *to Marilyn Manson* So, how'd a controversial violent big-shot devil worshipper like you become so interested in a skweeky klean kiddie show like Mummies Alive?

MARILYN: *still staring off into space* You know...Mummies Alive is a very thought-provoking program. It gave me insight into a world larger than my own.

MARILYN: Well, for example, take that episode The Curse Of Sekhmet. The goddess of destruction was the essence of the way of violence and pain in the world today. And, uh, she refused to hold it all inside. She expressed her anger through her magic, uh, in a way that inspired me to change the way I express myself in...uhhhh...Mechanical Animals, yeah. It was, like, interesting, thought-provoking expression. The godess was angry and violent in an original way. And you know how it is in...uhhhhh...Mechanical Animals, yeah. It's not just that, you know, that gothic thing that everyone's doing. It's different. It's like I've got the curse of Sekhmet in me.

RANDI: Uh, Marilyn? Are you doing anything cool for the Save the Mummies concert?

RANDI: *sighs* I meant, are you doing anything special? A new image? New songs? Special effects?

MARILYN: *staring at the sky* I've written a new song called "The Curse Of Sekhmet". It's about that particular episode and beyond. I have a new image. I'll be emboding the personna of the goddess of destruction.

RANDI: *blinks* Uh, sure. Sounds cool-uh, sounds interesting...So who's your favorite character?

MARILYN: I, you know, don't have a favorite. I, like, don't really like any physical characters. That goddess of destruction is more than just a cartoon character. None of the characters in Mummies Alive are just cartoon characters. They are all built around an important message to give to the viewer.

RANDI: *blinks* Marilyn...what in the name of Ra are you talking about????!!!!!

RANDI: *walks away* Yeesh...and I thought Gene Simmons was a tough interview...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK OVER THERE!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S DEXTER AND NOODLES OF THE OFFSPRING!!!!!!!!!!! Hey hey hey, can I get an interview????

DEXTER HOLLAND: *rolls eyes* Not again! We're standing on line because we want tickets to the new Star Wars so we can see it on opening day and get it over with so we can concentrate on the Save the Mummies concert for the rest of the year!!!!! Satisfied?!

DEXTER: *looks over Randi's shoulder at camera* Hey, The Phoenix Gate?! *smacks Noodles* You don't know when to keep your ^*%#ing mouth shut, do you????

RANDI: You'd hit your own bandmate for Mummies Alive??? Wow, now I know real fans!!!

NOODLES: *feels around the ground for his glasses* Well, that Marilyn Manson guy or chick hits his drummer all the time...

DEXTER: *smacks Noodles* Shut up dumb-@$$!!!!!!!!!! We're the biggest fans of Mummies Alive the world has ever seen!!!!!!!!!

NOODLES: Hey! *smacks Dexter* What the hell was that for??? Marilyn Manson is a Mummies Alive fan too!!!!!!!!

RANDI: *sighs* Hey, when is this concert anyway???? Sarah McLachlan didn't give me a date!!!!!

DEXTER: Well, if she didn't tell you, there's no way you'll find it out from us!!!

RANDI: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????MAY 19???????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But that's the same day that-

DEXTER: We don't have a set date yet. Sarah MacLachlan is still getting calls from bands who want to be a part of it. Even the Spice Girls are willing to rearrange their scheduals to be in it!!!!! Damn, if this doesn't put Mummies Alive back on the air, we may as well all dig a hole in the ground and die just like that Ja-Kal bastard!

DEXTER: Our number's gonna be really cool!!!! We've got all these chicks dressed as female shabties dancing around the stage, and we're dressed like Scarab and his hooligens!!! I'm dressing like Scarab-

DEXTER: No, you're not! We decided a long time ago that I was gonna be Scarab!

DEXTER: *punches Noodles* You @$$hole!!!!!!! Nothing is gonna stand in the way of me and the highest power in Mummies Alive!!!!!

NOODLES: *kicks Dexter below the belt* Go back beyond the Western Gate and dance around dressed like Apep!!!!! I'm a bigger Mummies Alive fan then you'll ever be!!!!!!!

RANDI: Uh, thanks guys!!!! *Dexter seizes Noodles by the neck and Noodles slaps Dexter repeatadly across the face in response* *to camera* Sorry, I guess this interview has to be cut short! *quietly slinks away* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHER!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S CHER OVER THERE JUST TWO SPOTS AWAY FROM THE TICKET BOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hihihihihihi, can I get an interview????!!!!!!! It's about the Save the Mummies concert!!!!!!

RANDI: Yay!!! *jumps around in joy* Well, since Mummies Alive seems to appeal to such a wide range of people, even from Sarah MacLachlan to Marilyn Manson to middle-aged dance pop stars like you, what do you think makes it so damn popular????

CHER: Well really, what's not to like??? It's so sweet how the mummies all gave their lives for Prince Rapses, and even in death they still stand by their duty to protect him. There aren't that many people like that out there in the world. I also really admire Nefer-tina-she's my favorite character, for future reference. My songs "Belive" and "Strong Enough" are in fact about her ill-fated love for Apep.

CHER: *laughs* Relax, I don't like her either...I think she should listen to that song so she can just get over Rath!!!!! Rath is much too good for her anyway!!! He should be with me!!!! Anyway, for "Strong Enough", and the rest of my set, I'll be dressed like Nefer-tina.

CHER: You got that right! Plus, before my last song I'll shout, "With the strength of Ra!"-which by the way is also the title of the last song-and there will be a huge laser light display that will be my transformation. For the most part of my set, my dancers will be dressed as anonymous mummies, but for "With The Strength Of Ra" they'll come out dressed as all the different gods of ancient Egypt.

RANDI: Great! Wild horses couldn't keep me away from this show, even if they were pulling Nefer-tina's chariot!!!! Thank you for the interview Cher, and also...*steps next to Cher and plops her arm around her shoulders* Thanks for saving my spot on line, Cher buddy!!!!

RANDI: *uses Jedi mind trick*You WILL keep your mouth shut and you WILL let me cut in...*notices Cher looking at her strangely* ...or I'll have this interview published in People magazine with the lines changed so that it looks like you're only in this concert to get back together with Gene Simmons, and I'll send the article to Shannon Tweed and have it posted on every Mummies Alive website!!!!!