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*No celebrities were harmed during the making of this tabloid. They may suffer emotional trauma if they read this tho' @~_^@*

Being the temporary editor-in-chief of The Phoenix Gate has its kicks. Instead of being confined to boring classrooms racking my brain trying to come up with a tenth reason why the mummies don't celebrate Christmas (yeah, most top ten lists evolve in the classroom @^_^@) the way I did as the humor editor, I get to go out and cover the production of the ultimate event in the history of the Mummies Alive fandom...the Save The Mummies music festival! The next few issues of The Phoenix Gate will feature interviews with some of the artists performing in the concert, some behind-the-scenes tidbits, and when the concert is actually performed, I'll have an extensive review!!!!!!! So what is this Save The Mummies thing exactly? Read the following interviews with Sarah McLachlan and Gene Simmons to find out!!!!!!

RANDI: Wow, I can't believe I've actually been assigned to interview Save The Mummies' driving force Sarah McLachlan! *squeals with joy* So, first question: How did the concept of the Save The Mummies concert begin and how did it get off the ground?

SARAH MCLACHLAN: Well, it definately didn't evolve the way Lilith Fair did-there was no time for all that planning crap. I had to act spontanously-I started putting this together the second I realized that Mummies Alive had been cancelled on several stations and the outlook for a second season looked grim. I know it takes a few million dollars just to create one episode, and with so many of us overpaid artists out there, the least we can do is spread the wealth. So I immediatly called up everyone I had met through Lilith Fair-we're all big Mummies Alive fans-and I told them about my idea for a concert to raise money for a second season. Naturally, everyone offered to perform for free. Then I directed them to inform everyone they knew about the event-men AND women. Contrary to all the rumors, this is not Lilith Fair. This concert is a charity event for Mummies Alive and its numerous fans. I've lost count of how many bands and singers have been signed up.

RANDI: So all these bands and singers are working for free? All the money is going to Mummies Alive? Is it really that popular?

SARAH: There are more fans out there than most people think. It's just that the show is very underexposed. It's so underexposed that most celebrities don't talk about it in interiviews because they don't want to admit that they're wild for a kiddie cartoon. But every artist I've met has mentioned that Mummies Alive is their favorite cartoon and that it was an inspiration for their songwriting. Like Bryan Adams-the "Blues Jam" song that he included in his MTV Unplugged appearance was directly influenced from the song in "A Dark And Shrieky Night." And that new limited edition Aqua record contains all the song parodies that are on the Internet.

SARAH: Really. Not all famous people are anti-Internet-after all, it's Mummies Alive central. Aqua will perform all those parodies at the concert.

RANDI: I wouldn't miss this show for the world...now what about you? How does Mummies Alive fit into your life and music?

SARAH: I've written five songs about ancient Egypt, and I'll be performing them at the show. Three is about my own fanfiction character, Nekkae, and her life story.

SARAH: Well, sort of. Those three songs are fanfictions in song form. I just hope I'm not ripping off anyone's Internet character-boy, I wish I was as creative as some of the people on the Internet!

SARAH: Rath, of course! Everyone who was in Lilith Fair loves Rath. I've yet to see one girl who doesn't!

RANDI: WOO-HOO! Just when I think it can't get anymore thrilling, I get to interview my number one idol!!!!!!! Okay, I will remain calm, I will remain calm...Excuse me...*steps into Ladies' room and screams her head off for a minute or so* Okay, okay, I think I've gotten the groupie action out of my system...Now to start off I'm gonna ask what everyone in the world is curious about-

GENE SIMMONS: *interrupts and rolls his eyes* It's just peachy being back on stage with Ace and Peter.

GENE: WHAT?! You were gonna go through the whole @$%^ing interview without asking about that?!

RANDI: Um, yeah...I was wondering more about the Save The Mummies concert. When I talked with Sarah MacLachlan she said that not one performer in this concert is getting paid. Every cent of the profits is going straight to DiC so a second season of Mummies Alive can be produced-

GENE: *interrupts* And your question is "What the heck is Gene $immons doing here?" Well, print this in The Phoenix Gate...#$%@ the profits! #*&^ the fans! ^$%# the music! $**% everything! It starts with Mummies Alive. Since September '97 KISS' new motto' has been "No mummies, no KISS." We want the second season and if we don't get what we want, neither can anyone else!

RANDI: *eyes wide in panic* So...you'll retire if there isn't a second season?

GENE: Look here, in the face of the mummies you are nothing! I don't care about you. I don't care about the KISS Army-they can all go straight to hell! Life is called "All Or Nothing." I want it all. I want Mummies Alive on the tip of everyone's tongues. I want people to scream up at me, "Gene! You're Ra!." When this second season is produced I want it on every station in America-or they can "KISS" the band

RANDI: Okay, I think I got the picture...So what's KISS' number for the concert?

GENE: We've ditched our traditional getups. We're going out there in full guardian armor with some trademark modifications. For example, we've still got the platforms, and Paul still exposes his chest. *Randi heaves a sigh of relief* Ace is Ja-Kal, Paul is Armon, Peter is Rath, I'm Nefer. Peter and I got into a little tussle about who was dressing as who...Peter wanted to wear the cat armor 'cause he's the Catman, and it made more sense that I should be the snake, but Peter's trademark color is green and mine is red, so he's Rath, I'm Nefer, I won't have it any other way! Our set list...first we perform "You Wanted The Best"-

GENE: We've been getting requests to perform that one live, but it's got nothing to do with the fans. It's because the mummies argue a lot, just like we do, but like us they put aside their differences when duty calls. We're going to perform three more songs after that-one is a modified version of the lovely ballad "God of Thunder", and the others are being kept "under wraps"...Heh, we wrote a couple of never-before-heard songs just for the Save The Mummies campaign.

RANDI: How are you dealing with those rumors that you guys are thinking about firing Ace Frehley and begging Vinnie Vincent back so you can have the real Egyptian Warrior?

RANDI: Never mind...Now for my signature question...Who is your favorite character?

GENE: That's easy...that Chontra chick! She's so hot! When this second season gets produced I'm gonna put in a personal request to feature her in more than just three episodes. She reminds me of my past flame Cher...oh dammit Chontra's hot! I love her!

GENE: Oh yeah! In fact I love her so much I'm thinking about having our KISSettes wear new outfits that are replicas of her awesome outfit. Four Chontras! And heck, Ace, Paul, and Peter can't have their own KISSettes! I'll be taking 'em all.